Many stories herein are subject to the faulty, and sometimes creative, memory of the blog owner and should not be taken as factual, although the names and events are real! Kind of.

Monday, May 24, 2010

I Guess I'm Kinda Like Bread

Are you ever moody?  Bluesy Moody?  Grumpy Moody, for no reason at all?  Of course, everything can always be blamed on my period! but lately this moodiness has become out of control, ruling my life.

It has become wearisome, this moodiness.  Someone should get me a shirt that says "Caution, Mood Swing in Progress."  What is it about the aging process that turns a woman into a dadgum emotional pendulum?  Along with rapid mood swings comes the instantaneous teary-ness.  While working on inventory today and I thought about an event that happened during the graduation ceremony yesterday that didn't even involve my daughter and almost started crying!  

So in the midst of these moods and tears and emotions lately while grumpily shaving my legs in the shower, I had an epiphany. I've discovered the shower to be full of epiphanies--no distractions, I guess!

Soon,  I am going to be a purely decorative member of the family.

With one child almost married and the other on her way out the door to college, I can see the future and it appears that.....

Soon, no one will need me anymore...
Is it possible?
How can this be?
Am I moody and sad and grumpy and irritable because no one will need me?

Do I need to be needed???

Good Grief, how can that be?  I have waited 21 years to not be needed.

I benignly neglected my children, thus raising vastly independent, creative girls whose imagination and intellect have thrived on this neglect.  I hope I'm not saying I was a bad mom, I just wasn't a playful one.  I was happy to read aloud to them for hours, create tea parties and sew costumes and search garage sales for accessories and creative play things.  But I did not want to play with them.  It was fun to create food for the tea party, but  5 minutes of playing tea party was enough.  I adored sewing princess dresses or curtains for a puppet stage but my attention span for those games was extremely short!

I looked for and longed for the day when I could be the only princess and be served tea while remaining absorbed in a novel of my own choosing.  I didn't want to be needed!

But the reality is, I believe we all want to be needed, whether we admit it or not.  Sometimes, when you are complaining about all the committees you are on, or the church functions you serve at, or the jobs at work that you and only you can do, in the midst of that complaining, don't you feel just a bit smug?  Don't you just have a little inner glee about how irreplaceable your are?  I know I do.

While sewing that princess costume, those puppet curtains, solving sibling rivalry issues, administering advice, spankings and kisses, there was probably a little inner gloating going on about being an awesome, irreplaceable mom.

I hate to admit it.  I don't want toddlers or preschoolers back for sure.

But yes, I guess I am like bread.

I need to be needed!

I think I'll call my mom and ask her for help on something.....Just to make her feel good and all!


Relyn said...

Did you call her? Oh, I hope you did. Moms need to be called every single day. Every. single. day!

Anonymous said...

I was wondering WHEN (not if) this would hit you. I'll be praying for you. Oh, and you know we need help pulling weeds and with other yard work some come to LaLa Land.
Love ya

Andi said...

How sweet.

And, just think, I thought that I was lacking because I wanted to play, not do any of that other stuff!

Isn't it great that God gave us kids that were perfect for each of us?

Freckled Hen said...

I love what Andi wrote.
Lately though I am emotionally afraid to really give my older girls their independence I am pleasantly surprised at how much I like them. As big people. You know? They make me laugh and tell me to get over it and it's the most beautiful thing. I didn't know this would happen.

One Last Thought.......

Pleasant words are a honeycomb;
sweet to the soul and healing to the body.
Proverbs 16: