Many stories herein are subject to the faulty, and sometimes creative, memory of the blog owner and should not be taken as factual, although the names and events are real! Kind of.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Answering Machines

I hate answering machines. I hate leaving messages on them. I hate listening to messages on them.

I just....just....really don't like them!

I don't mind my cell phone messages. At least I know those are for me and not (usually) from a telemarketer.

But our home answering machine.....grrr.

#1. It has taken me almost a year to figure out how to access the messages and get rid of the blinking light. And I'm supposedly the family techie.

#2. The answering machine thingy only allows the phone to ring 3 times before kicking on. My momma told me that politeness says you are to let the phone ring AT LEAST six times to give the other person time to dry their hands from the dishwater to answer the phone. Even with our cordless phones it is usually a sprint through the house to answer the stupid thing in three rings.

#3. Usually the 'message' is a hang up because the person calling our house wanted to talk to a real live person, not a stupid machine.

#4. If I'm home, I'll answer. If I'm not, call back!

What I really want the machine to say:

"You have reached the number 555-1234. We are likely searching for the phone frantically right this very minute. Unless we saw your name on the caller ID and didn't feel like talking. In that case we are all just expecting someone else in the house to answer. If you want to talk to us, please call one of our cell numbers. If you don't know our cell number, we are sorry, please ask for it next time you see us. If you are selling something, please remove our name from your list. Please don't expect to have your call returned by Dawn because she will not hear this message for days. Thanks and God Bless you!

But Les is mean and won't let me record that!


Katie said...

This is too funny! I like your mom's saying about letting it ring 6 times. But for me it wouldn't be to dry my hands from dish washing it would be licking the cheetos from my fingers!

Marilyn said...

Can't you set the ringer to ring as many times as you want? And what are you doing up so late....The same thing I am doing up so early, I guess. Can't sleep.

Andi said...

What the?!? Can it be? *gasp* It is! It is! You have dust on your answering machine! HOORAY! As someone who feels dusting is completely optional, and is only done when you have absolutely nothing else to do, I'm very happy to see dust on your answering machine!

foxxy said...

How funny! I don't have an answering machine anymore. I used to hate it too.

Mandy said...

My dad's first answering machine had a message that said exactly this "If your calling for Becky leave a message, if your calling for me don't bother, I never listen to these things.!" And then it just hung up!

Shasta said...

hahaha!! Love the message. The worst answering machine wise for me are the telemarketers that call and you answer that say, "this is an important call please stay on the line for the next available representative." I hang up. If the call was that important then there would've been someone there to speak with me when I answered.

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