Many stories herein are subject to the faulty, and sometimes creative, memory of the blog owner and should not be taken as factual, although the names and events are real! Kind of.

Monday, April 02, 2012

I've Got To Stop This!

Tonight I went to Wal-Mart--surprising, I know.  Since there was a thunderstorm brewing and the prospect of hail in the future, it just seemed sensible to drive over and leave my pickup out and risk being trapped in the store with no umbrella.  It just so happens I did remember to put an umbrella in my purse--Ha!

Lately the sun has really been highlighting the wrinkles around my eyes--bleh.  The worst is on the....well, I'm not going to tell you where the worst is because next time you see me I'll be all paranoid that you are comparing the right and left side of my face to see which is the more wrinklier.  Or wrinkliest.  Or less smooth.  Whatever.

So I went to get some beauty product that will make a miracle happen and remove those lines by tomorrow morning.  Because although I have not used moisturizer hardly ever at all, there is surely some miracle product that will work by tomorrow.  Right?

I stood in front of the shelves of Oil of Olay and Regenerist and Neutrogena and various and sundry other miracle touting/producing products and was horrified that they cost quite a bit.  As in 6 dollars an ounce or more.  I had just added to my cart an industrial size bottle of Jergens Aloe lotion for less than six dollars so I thought these face creams were a bit pricey.  The other problem was the vast quantity of items that proclaimed to produce a miracle.  Just one brand had a ton of varieties.  I finally decided on the good old fashioned Oil of Olay Night Creme.  The price was decent and the brand has been around since I was watching As The World Turns and eating Snickers and drinking Coke from the bottle at my Grandma Irene's, so I'm sure I've picked the right one.  I'll let you know tomorrow.  As if.

Next--the paint section for paint chips.  Molly's bathroom is painted lime green--which she loves.  Me--not so much.  In fact--Me, not at all.  I don't like it.  It makes me feel ugly and now that she has moved out, there must be nothing in the house that makes me feel ugly! I've never painted a room any shade of purple so I grabbed a handful from Luscious Lilac to Amethyst Jewel and maybe we'll pick one of those.

I meandered through the fabric, then the housewares, searching for those red tags that said clearance but was unsuccessful.

Then I recalled that there were a few things I needed for the library. The sniffling kids had used up all the tissue and there were a couple of books I needed to buy.

And that's when it happened--right there in the aisle of Wal Mart with the books and magazines and Mother's Day cards and wrapping paper.  I turned into a meddling woman.

A family was there and the boy wanted the book "The Hunger Games."  In my opinion, he looked to young to be reading it and of course he chose the edition with the movie logo on the front.

Mom: What's the difference?
Son:  I like that one better (movie logo edition was 2 dollars higher--did I tell you I'm cheap?)
Me:  "The only difference is the cover.  It's the same book.
Mom:  Oh.  Do you know where the "Chicken Soup" books are?
Me:  (in my head) Do I look like I work here?
Me:  (out loud)  I think they used to be down by the Christian books but I'm not sure--I'm a librarian and my specialty is "The Hunger Games," not "Chicken Soup."  I smile, trying not to look too much like a meddling stranger, even though of course I am.

Daughter:  (younger than son--eight-ish, maybe)  holding up a Twilight Movie Tie In book.    I want this book.
Mom:  Will you read it?
Me:  (mental eye roll)
Daughter:  Yes!  I love this movie
Mom:  (looks at what her daughter is holding)  NO!  That is to old for you--you don't need to be reading that.
Daughter: You let me watch the movie!
Me:  (holding up a copy of "Mr. Poppers Penguins" (cheaper and more age appropriate)) What about this?  It is a great story about a man who receives a real live penguin in the mail and they allow it to live in their refrigerator!
Daughter: (disgusted look)  I want the "Twilight" one.
Me:  (pushes away cart in sadness and despair at the state of children who are allowed to watch such rubbish.  And no.  I haven't watched Twilight, but I'm pretty sure it's not an eight year old movie.)

Oh My Gosh!  I've turned into a meddler.  Me!  The person who could barely talk to a stranger when I got my first job!

Can you imagine what it will be like in a few years--I'm barely able to restrain myself when I see family's with a whole cart full of frozen, processed food for their groceries.  I'll be dragging them over to the produce aisle and telling them to put all that nitrate filled stuff back and fill their cart with something good for a change!  I'll be grabbing little children by the arm and taking them to the service desk to call their parents when I see them running amok in the toy aisle!  The guy in the holey shirt who just put a six pack of beer in his cart will be told of the dangers of alcoholism and instructed on how to wisely spend money!

Wal Mart will probably ban me!

Or hire me as a door greeter....


Rebecca D said...

I prefer the title "concerned citizen" to medeler... Altough tonight when I lost track of time sorting through bins in the basement for stuff for Jed and Katy's new place and burnt the homemade chicken pot pies beyond reconition and made a mad dash to the store desprite for anything that could be ready in less the 30 minutes and feed a crowd so I hastly grabbed a couple bags of pizza rolls and waffle fries... It's nights like these that junk is made for right? It's not like we eat this stuff all the time... Not by the unapproving look on the face of the woman in front of me at the check out as I set them on the belt... Hey lady, you're buying the "enquirer" and you're judging me?

Paula said...

You might even retire from the library and become a checker at Walmart then you can share your knowledge with a comment on every customer's purchase as you swipe and bag. LOL. There are a couple of those at our WM and they crack me up.

I told my oldest that he could watch Twilight as soon as he read the book...which he never did while that movie was THE thing to see.

Andi said...

Bring on the unsolicited advice! Bring it on! I think the world would be a MUCH better place if we'd all just be a little more "helpful."

KiteFlyer said...

Please don't drag me over to the produce aisle the next time you see me in your Walmart.

Twilight? Forget that. I'm looking forward to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. It's a historical movie. I hear he kills the sparkly ones first. 8^)

And lime green?!? I would always feel sick to my stomach in there. I don't blame you for wanting to paint it.

cgl1539 said...

I love your post, cracked me up. I tend to look on disapprovingly but I dont say anything, usually. Except for my pet peeve, not supervising your children. I dont care if they get into stuff, I care that some perv might walk off with your child while you are thinking that walmart turned into your own personal free daycare. My son and I were patiently waiting for a couple to look at every brand of butter, they had a tiny baby in the cart, they walked several feet away from this baby looking at different brands of butter. I was astonished. So very loudly to my son I said "Gee its too bad I am not in the market for a new baby, I could just walk out with this one right here". They looked up and ran back to their cart, like I was some kind of nut who would steal their kid. I said yeah remember that next time. Drives me crazy.

Crazy Sister said...

Is THAT what Mr Poppers Penguins is about? The ads have been confusing me. Mostly it just looks like Jim Carrey going nuts. And I'm like, "Yeah, seen THAT before..."

Bless you for not having verification thingies on your blog. More comments for you, my friend!

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