We are near the end of End of Instruction (EOI) testing in our school. It is wearisome, worrisome and boringsome. The only good thing about it is that when the kids get a break, we get cookies. Not so good for my waist but pretty good for my endorphins.
Last week a student aide came in to hang up "Testing--SHHH" posters on the library windows. I'm busy helping other students get their papers FINISHED (after weeks and weeks of messing around with them) and don't pay much attention to the poster-taping student after I provide him with tape for the posters. The rule in the school is that you hang stuff in the hall with painters tape. It doesn't stick so great but it also doesn't pull the paint off the walls like clear packing tape or chunks of cement out of the wall like hot glue (yes, I know from personal experience--I was quite astounded at my own strength....)
Anyway, our little exchange went like this:
Student: Can I hang these posters up for the counselors.
Me: Yes. (and I resume reciting the MLA citation format to the thick-headed ones at the computer.)
Student: (still standing there) I need tape.
I hand him blue painters tape and continue with my citation 'lesson.' After a bit I realize that he is STILL standing there with tape in one hand and posters in the other and I become a bit crazed with the fact that not only do I have to provide him with tape but it seems perhaps I'm supposed to hang the posters????
Student: I need clear tape.
Regardless of rules and to get rid of him, I hand him the scotch tape. He proceeds to the windows, pulls of a strip of tape about 4 feet long and attempts to hang the poster. Of course, it is so long, the tape gets stuck to itself and did I say I hate clear tape on the windows because it leaves a sticky residue or peels apart and leaves bits stuck to the glass that eventually must be removed with a razor blade. Which I'm not allowed to give my aides to use because they might injure themselves.
Me: Hey--You--Aide-- Please use just a small piece of tape so I don't have to clean the windows. (ok, I was nicer and used his name but I can't tell YOU what his name is!)
I watch him wrestle with the tape a bit more. And then I turn away because if I don't I'll be really rude--out loud, not just in my head.
The paper writers finally finish and I help them email them to their teacher.
I watch the poster hanger a bit more. Thankfully, I'm interrupted again before I go do the job for him. I'm becoming weary of shaking my head.
A boy comes in to have help with his school email because it won't work (yet another procrastinator). Guess why his email won't work? Because he, in his infinite wisdom, allowed a friend to change all the email defaults to his Hotmail address.
A girl interrupts our scintillating conversation wondering why the printer won't print on long paper.
Me: The printer doesn't work. It hasn't worked for two weeks and even if it did work, it doesn't take long paper. (I pause and have an epiphany) Wait, did you mean the copier?
Girl: Oh. Yeah. (giggle)
Me: Did you put long paper in there?
Girl: No
Me: Is there long paper in any of the drawers?
Girl: I don't know.
Me: Well, if you didn't put it in, there isn't any.
The poster boy comes back. The tape is messed up and has shredded itself into a long skinny peel and could I please fix it? It is in tiny pieces, wound round and round each other......At last, muttering rude things under my breath (or in my head) I get it fixed and send him on his merry way with my only tape dispenser still in his incompetent paw.
The copier girl disappears and the boy resumes his email help plea. Luckily for me and him (since it cuts down on my sarcastic remarks) I have no idea how to fix it and send him on to the computer lab to let him be their problem.
Another boy comes in to check out a book. He's in the library checking out books multiple times a day, so I've shown him how to do it himself. Of course the computer is not on the correct screen and he comes to me for help..... I'm grateful beyond words that he loves to read. I'm not sure why he can't read the information on the computer screen to figure out how to switch to check-out mode. Maybe it's because he only reads Graphic Novels (comic books, not novels that are graphic!)
This all happened in a 10 minute span.
I have a master's degree.
I use it often when I'm
--scraping gum off the floor
--trying to camouflage wishfully imagined body parts that are drawn on the library furniture
--providing tape, scissors, paper, pencils etc to the unprepared masses
--Explaining for the umpteenth time and pointing to the signs that are everywhere that really, we don't have a printer right now.
--crawling under furniture to reconnect computers or dvd players or sound systems or whatever. (ask me why I seldom wear a dress!)
Such is my life.
'Tis a burden I must bear but--Take heart!
We are having cookies this week!
Was this too boring for you?
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3 comments:
Wow... After reading about your day I think I too need a cookie!
What kind of cookie did you get. I hope that it was homemade chocolate chip after all that you have had to go through.
"I have a master's degree" reminded me of the FedEx commercial from a few years back with the new guy being asked to help ship some packages. He protests. The lady tells him it's okay, it's easy. He says, "You don't understand - I have an MBA."
She says, "Oh, right... I better show you how."
That commercial saved me a lot of money. I never went back for my Masters. 8^)
And, what were you thinking, giving that student your tape dispenser? It has a serrated cutter for the tape. No telling what havoc he could have wreaked.
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